Monday, May 4, 2009

Time for "The Talk"

My daughter had "Life Class" last week. If I was in charge I'd rename it "It's Not Fair: What's Going to Happen to you Next!"

I've already explained to Katia everything she needs to know anyway, but it was nice for the teacher to tell her again. I've lost a lot of credit with Katia because I don't know how to do square routes or decimal dividing and stuff like such as that. Der. I was forced to tell her the horrible forebodings of her future when, one day, I was exiting the shower. Katia was jabbering about something incredibly important, so important that it couldn't' wait until I was all the way out of the shower and dried off. I was watching her face as she was talking when her eyes fell downward and then she stopped. She just stopped in mid-sentence and her eyes popped open like a Chinese fish on a platter.

"Mom! You have trash coming out of you!" she gasped.

I looked down at the little Tiffany blue string hanging down and quickly wrapped my towel around my waist. Busted. Time for "The Talk".

I told her how Mommy's have a blessing each month. I told her all about Eve and how she should never have eaten that damned apple. If she hadn't, we would never have to buy tampons, pads, and tons and tons of panties. I told her that this is why we shouldn't be able to vote or run for public office. Then we sat down at watched Carrie together. It was a special mother/daughter moment.


  1. Ahhh. A blessing, indeed!

    One more reason I'm glad that I have all boys. Who am I kidding? I have enough PMS for the whole damn block. I couldn't imagine two or more women PMSing in the same house.

  2. I'll have to tell you about the "porn talk" we had with our son at the age of 12. Then there was the "Wet Dream" question at the age of 10. Yes, there's enough blessings to go around!

  3. Oh dear.

    There is NO privacy in the bathroom anymore with a 3 year old in da' house. I have taken to turning my back or diverting her attention (look! A kitten!) so I can insert, ah, the womanly, um, thing. She likes to do everything I do and I'm just afraid that if she sees me do that she'll start putting things in her own bagina. Oy.

    And she's only 3.
    I cannot imagine 4, let alone 9. 10? *gasp*

  4. Last month, my 9-year-old's pediatrician said she sorta sees hair and I should talk to her about hair growing down there. My girl already knows about this change, of course. The doc also said I could wait another year if I wanted to for the PERIOD talk - that I have time. I will go over it before then just in case she is "blessed" with 'the horror' early on like some unfortunate souls are. This morning she pointed out a lump in her breast area. I'd forgotten all about "breast buds" so after I picked my face up off the floor, I had a shot ... or two. Boys get these "buds" as well. *sigh* There's the big ass SIGN I was not looking forward to. I want the Avent bottles and receiving blankets back! Waaaaaah!!

  5. I guess if she knows about periods, she is now qualified to watch horror films.


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