Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Praying from the bottom of a Toilet

Today I'm wearing my maternity pants. I'm not pregnant, I just wanted some support. I like the gentle soft hug it gives my tummy. I also have on my Birkenstock sandals that make me look like Jesus' fat sister. Plus, as if the first two items weren't bad enough, a tie-dyed t-shirt.

I am also wearing a frown. My life has taken the fast train to Shitville and I'm looking for a good old fashioned fist fight with a stranger in the grocery store.

I'm trying to walk around all peaceful and in total knowledge that there is a Higher Power, a Great River, a Giant Ball of String or Something that is in charge here.

Dear Bigger Thing than Me,

I pray that all the sick and lost souls are cured and saved. I am grateful that I have my health and my family. I hope that tomorrow I'll be a better person than I was today. But most of all, please let me win that contest!

Thank you,
Your Loyal Servant and Blogger Queen

7 comments:

  1. Well, if you don't win just know it's because God had his hands full with American Idol and the NBA playoffs.

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  2. Good point, Libby. My life was on hold tonight for 2 hours and 7 minutes (good thing they warned us about those minutes over).
    By the way, your Google ads for this post are hilarious. Maybe you should click on one to learn how to pray effectively.

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  3. Was that you in the produce section with steam shooting out of your ears? I had a moment (or to, or three) yesterday and I was so ready to fisticuffs someone's eye socket at one point.

    (smile) (hug)

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  4. You GD hippie. Take off the Birkenstocks and tie-dye, then I can talk to you. :) For the life of me, I can't get it out of my head.

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  5. Come pick up your award at my blog! NOW!

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  6. Libby - Thanks a lot, you've just made me consider atheism.

    Alison - I love the google ads. Too bad I'm not making any dough ray me.

    Akilah - Thanks for the hug.

    Summer - I know. I'm a mess. AND thanks for the award that i'm now going over to check out!

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  7. ok, wtf, when you are in this ass kicking mood, you know you are supposed to call me. i am ALWAYS looking for an excuse to get in fights with random strangers. dammit! you leave me alone with all my rage. GOD you are so selfish! Wanna come over and arm wrestle? it might make you feel better. then you can yell at my kids and husband if you want, it would be a welcome change for them. xoxoxo hang in there, and fuck the rest of them...they are not worthy!

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