Thursday, April 9, 2009

I Am Not A Chicken!

This month has bad luck running through it like termites in an old house. Seriously, I cannot catch a break. My daughter's coach is mad at me because, although I do appear to have super powers, I have not mastered reading minds ... yet. Therefore I messed up some forms and now I'm avoiding her. I'm getting my daughter carpooled there and back so the coach can't find me. It's not that I'm chicken or anything, it's just that she's old and if I stay gone long enough she'll forget all about me. So, I'm really just saving her life, that's all. I don't want her last words to be "Sharon, you're killing me with aggravations!"

[I would like to make a side note here: Kathy has commented on my comma love and now I'm totally paranoid to use them. Thanks a lot, BFF!]

Then my sister gets breast cancer. The ironic thing is my nickname for her has always been "BT" that stands for Big Titty. I am "LT" - figure it out. So that's pretty shitty, but I don't know what to say so I haven't even called yet. It's not that I'm chicken, it's just that I don't want to remind her that she has cancer or anything. I mean, why bring it up? I just want her to have a nice day.

Additionally, we're getting ready to put our house on the market. Yet the only thing I can think about is possibly offending my neighbors because I'm not using their landscaping company. I'm hiding from them too. I'm not scared of them. I'm not. I just don't want to hurt their feelings, at least I don't want to see it.

I went to a meeting last night and sat right next to a guy who I've been avoiding for months. He's basically a weakling who gets all red-faced and shaky whenever I disagree with him. Which is most of the time because he's so wrong. But I hide from him because I'm afraid of saying something that will be constructive in the development of his spine which has thus far been weak. Every time I'm around him, all I can think of is all the ways I can publicly humiliate him. There's about nine so far.

Oh, oh oh oh. I almost forgot to tell you the Good News! I got my haircut and I don't look like a flight attendant this time! I got a bang job, and a lovely one it was. When I picked up my 11 year old at school she said "Well look at you!" It's one of those kind of haircuts. A little bit edgy/rocker. Too bad I can't show anyone because I'm either hiding in my home office or driving around with a baseball cap and sunglasses.

So listen up. Here's today's Life Coach Lesson:

Don't be afraid of people [or commas] otherwise you'll be wasting a perfectly good haircut.


  1. I'm afraid to see my neighbors right now because our house is for sale (in escrow!) and I feel as if I've failed them. I don't know. We bought it two years ago from a woman who'd lived here for 30 years. Everyone in the neighborhood has owned their homes for decades; I feel as if I've let them down by leaving so soon. Even though they NEVER say hello to us or stop to talk to us, I'm AVOIDING them now. WTF me?

  2. Sharon,
    Sorry you are having a bad month. If I had known, I wouldn't have bugged you about your blog. Let me know if I can help!

  3. So her coach is very much like a rhino? That's so cool. I hate the anxiety involved when trying to avoid people. It creates gas, you know.

    Sorry it's going so shitty. Atleast you have good hair. BTW I want to see a picture.

    Well if it helps, I'm having accident after accident like there is something neurologically wrong with me. I hit my head on my vehicle door today. Almost knocked me out. How in the hell does this crap happen? I'm blaming it on the wind, but we both really know what happened.

  4. I can't say that I have done much to avoid people in any way over the years. Other than the occasional person I may know in the grocery store that I can not possibly see because I did not shower that day, or am not wearing makeup.

    I have however been avoiding leaving my house for the last several weeks due to a bad hair dye job. I like it better now and am slowing making my way into civilization. Bad hair can ruin a month!! Can't wait to see yours!!!

  5. I need a bang job! Oh, you're talking aobut haircuts, nevermind. Girl, I know you and you aren't chicken. You're just afraid that the truth might come popping out like a champagne cork from a bottle on ice in the hot sun! Right there with ya girl, it's a kind of terrets, I think. Let's go eat cheap somewhere before I have a damn job again!

  6. Hot Mama haircut! Lets see how many times you get badgered for a pic. ;)

    Sorry about the run of 'off' luck lately.

    Hope your sis kicks cancer's ass!

  7. Susannah - We're selling our house too. I've not told my neighbor yet. I'll miss her.

    Alison - No worries, it will all work out. Can you just come to my house and fix everything for me?

    Summer - Rhino? Please explain this ...

    Wendy - Oh I can probably think of at least one person you'd like to avoid: George Bush, Jay Leno, your hairstylist?

    DBWSC - Buying a house this week is really messing with my schedule. I'm probably going to have to review Chef BoyarDee

    Akilah - I know! I have to get someone to take a picture. But first I'll have to put on make-up, wash my hair, pose, practice smiling. God, its a lot of work!

  8. I know. I'm a Discovery Channel/ Animal Planet Geek. A rhino will stop chasing you if you keep running. They forget what they were doing.


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