Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What to do About Tailgaters

My husband, the sane grown-up around here, has warned me about losing my temper with tailgaters. "Just let them go past you, babe" he says real calm-like. Oooh, its just infuriating to be married to the Voice of Reason sometimes!

Therefore, I've developed other methods:

1. Call Them In. One day I was driving along, minding my own business and doing the speed limit when along came this chick in a BMW zooming right up on my ass. I mean seriously five inches off my bumper. We were on a street where the cops just love to snack on little speeders, so I'm not about to speed up for her. I tried to ignore her but it was way too serious. Then I remembered that I had my husband's police/fire radio on the seat next to me. So I picked it up and held it to my face like I was calling her in. I did this a couple of times so that she would definitely see me having a conversation. It worked! She backed off and took the next turn. I could just picture her hiding in a cul de sac and waiting for the coast to clear.

You may be saying to yourself "Oh ya Blogger Queen, that's fine for you and your husband, but what am I supposed to do? I don't have a police/fire portable scanner radio?" Don't be discouraged. Get an empty butter box and wrap it in black paper. Then tape a black pipe cleaner to the side Voila! You can call in all the speeders and tailgaters and drunk drivers you want! You can even make two and have a conversation with your son in the back seat. "Roger that. 10-4"

2. Drive Like You're Drunk. Slow down a little, then speed up for no reason. Then gently let your car move to the right and then jerk back to the center. Let your head nod a bit, like you're falling asleep. Put on your blinker and leave it going. I guarantee that the one-time asshole will immediately turn into a very alert and concerned citizen. He'll pass by you real fast and have a terrified look on his face. He'll probably call you in with a wrapped up butter box with a pipe cleaner taped to the side. Its important to NOT BREAK ANY LAWS OR DRIVE UNSAFELY. DON'T GO OVER THE LINE. Just be a little weird.

3. Be a Grown-Up. You could follow my husband's advice to me: "Just let them pass you, Sharon." Hmmph that's too predictable.


  1. Because of crazed road ragers, your husband will tell you to just let them pass, just like my hubster tells me.

    I like the butter box thingamajig. What the hell is going on in your mind to think of that. Haaa!!

  2. How ever did you think of that? You are amazingly creative.

  3. Great posts, great blog. FYI--I gave you an award on my blog today :)

  4. akilah, summer, petunia

    You are wonderful, but this headache that I'm suffering is precluding me from details. I'll visit your blogs tommorow and chat you all up

  5. This so great because I just bought butter AND pipe cleaners at the store!

  6. Just discovered your blog and I love it. Very funny and real. I am now unable to get anything done at work since I am reading post after post. Please keep it up!!

  7. Sharon - why is it so often a BMW driver too? And my husband prefers that I let them pass me too but I'm a huge fan of the "drive like you are drunk/on the phone/changing the stereo/half asleep" routine!

    Great meeting you at Hukilau....I'm adding you to my fave blogs!

  8. Alison - I hope you use them. I do, I do, I do.

    Louise - Thank you for discovering me and not getting any work done. Slackers Unite!

    Sharon - I wonder what would happen if we had BMWs? Do you think we'd be instant aggresive drivers? I hope not, I love German engineering. I loved meeting you too. Fun day!

  9. Hey Sharon, it's me. I haven't checked in for awhile, but here I am. I have one of the best responses to a tailgater. I was in a training class and the trainer went off on a rant about road rage. She said that a person younger than her was angry at her, was tailgating her, honked at her, flipped her off and was all around nasty. The trainer drove up next to the angry driver (who she did not know) and mouthed the words "I KNOW YOUR MOTHER!" This made the angry driver mouth "OH HI!" and gave a nice wave. I loved that story!


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