Friday, February 20, 2009

My Best Friend's Vagina


As you may or may not know, my best friend is Kathy and she has a vagina. This was just one of the criteria she met when she landed a part in a local production of the smash hit Vagina Monologues.

My best friend Kathy with a Vagina is almost my sister since we've been friends for over 25 years; However, we have very few outside things in common: She likes country, I like grunge and techno; she wears high heals and accessorizes, I wear Birkenstocks and a plain wedding ring; she's a brunette, I'm a blond. We're on opposite sides of the political parties most of the time, and while I'm extroverted and demonstrative, she's very private and doesn't like to hug.

We do have everything in common on the inside, though. We swim in the same river of spirituality; we have parallel lives; everything that happens to one of us will happen to the other in a matter of days. Its spooky. Lastly, we both have vaginas.

Kathy called me this morning and announced that her picture and name were in the local paper under the caption "Provocative Production returns to Local Theatre." I laughed really hard, the kind that makes my head fall back and my mouth open up like a trout on a hook, because I can just imagine how squirmy this must make my shy Kathy feel. Once I settled down, she said "I think this is the second time I've had my picture in the newspaper. The first time is when I was a *pregnant teenager and they were doing a story about the pregnant high school." I would love to get a copy of that article.

Then she said "Damn! My vagina keeps getting me in the newspaper." Congratulations Kathy, it looks like it got you on a blog too. What a talented vagina you have!

*Yes, that's right. Kathy was a teenage unwed mother. Absolutely the BEST teenage unwed mother that you've ever even heard of. Her daughter is the smartest, sweetest, kindest grown-up in the United States. We should all be so wonderful.

10 comments:

  1. Damn you, Kathy!

    My vagina doesn't "get" me anywhere or anything! It doesn't get me Coach bags (I've heard "it" gets some ladies new purses!) or a full-time maid. WTF is "she" doing wrong down there? I think I need to sit down and have a talk with "her."

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  2. I love the Vagina Monologues.

    I'm so proud of Kathy and her vagina. Mine is like Akilah's. It really hasn't gotten me fame or fortune. Not really even three kids. They were c-section.

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  3. great post!

    i've got my tickets for opening night. can't wait and wouldn't miss it

    "to vaginas! and monologues! and friends! and great moms! and great blogs!

    cheers queen blogger! -and break a leg kathy

    love,
    2008 cast member & tri valley haven volunteer,

    sandra kay
    WriteousMom.com

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  4. For the article check the Thursday, 2/19/09 issue of the Independent.
    Go to
    http://www.independentnews.com/index.php

    Then click on Archives, click on 2/19/09 in the box on the right, and scroll to page 6.

    Enjoy the article!

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  5. i have a vagina!
    she doesn't get me in the paper. she doesn't even go to GET me the paper. i'm going to have to give her a stern talking to.

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  6. Thanks for all the well-wishes. My vagina will be giving out autographs this evening after the sold out show - I have to remember to bring "lip" stick.

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  7. Akilah, Summer, and Monkey: I'm talking to you! Now I know you're a little jealous of Kathy's vagina and feeling like yours has really let you down. Here's a quote from last night's performance that you should enjoy (please excuse the paraphrasing):

    "My vagina rescued a small child!" Think about it.

    Kathy - You are a star! Everyone should come and see you and the others in this important performance. Congratulations, I'm very, very proud.

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  8. I love the vagina very much!

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  9. There is nothing more pleasing to a man when he over hears women talk about their beautiful lovely Vaginas,
    Sincerely,
    Duke

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  10. I love being a woman and to have my vagina is the greatest pleasure in the world. To know my vagina is clean is purely adorable. To enjoy a vagina with a friend is amazing. Vagina Power...

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