Tuesday, August 12, 2008

MODEL FLU

When my daughters were 3 and 6 I looked into my crystal ball and had a premonition:

Someday my daughters will hate to be with me. That's when I decided to force them to love me, at least once a year for the rest of their lives. I began our Annual Girls Campout. My dearest friend in the world, Kathy, has a family ritual that I was inspired by.

I don’t know if you’re like me, but I L.O.V.E. rules!!! (I also love to fill out forms and remove splinters.) So I started conceptualizing my Girls Campout Rules:

1. Eat whatever you want, whenever you want
2. No pouting and whining
3. There is no reason good enough to miss Girls Campout including, but not limited to, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, broken limbs, work, distance, husbands, babies, or dislike of other guests
4. There will be no others allowed. Just us and someday your daughters too.

This year I almost had to cancel our trip due to what I will now call “Model Flu”. I woke up last Thursday and ran for the bathroom in a fuzzy panic. I completely lost everything inside of me through all of my exit hatches and then collapsed on the cool tile bathroom floor whilst gallons of sweat drained from my pale green pores.

Gina offered to bring over some suppositories for my nausea. Wow, I have great friends, right? Anyway, later she took time off work to bring supplies to my daughters who were caught in the crossfire. My husband, being safe at work, was not too concerned. Note: As I'm blogging tonight, he is flat on his back with the Model Flu.

The next morning, I wake up weak and desperately needing some nourishment and a shower, but mostly coffee. I also lost six pounds in 24 hours, hence the name “Model Flu.” Then I spent the next five hours shopping and packing for our camping trip and off we went.

I immediately regretted our reservations upon arrival. We were apparently smack dab in the middle of Party With Your Kids Watching weekend. There was a group of at least 30 people next to us who screamed and laughed non-stop until 11:30. Have you ever been to a raunchy bar and witnessed a really drunk woman screaming “Wooooooooooooh” for hours? Ya, that was it. When I complained at the front office, one of the camp hosts accused me of being jealous that I was not included. Hah! The nerve.

At 4:00 am the rooster from across the valley woke us all up. But it was freezing at night so I wasn’t really asleep anyway. That gave me time and reason to plan our escape. It was only a few hours later that I secured a lodge cabin at the campground for half-price. It had, are you ready for this, our own bathroom, kitchen, bedrooms, living room, kitchen, and air-conditioning. I was so relieved to be away from all those crazy drunks that the dirty finger prints on the roll of toilet paper hardly bothered me at all. I was fine with the discarded dental floss stick on the bathroom floor and used soap in the shower. I was living it up in the air conditioning, so scraping old eggs off of their dishes in the sink was fine by me. It really wasn’t until the Pool Incident that I totally understood where I was and I’ll have to fill you in on that story next time.

The Model Flu left me thin and weak, but I have to say ... and this is embarrassingly mushy, full of love and gratitude for all my friends who pitched in to help out. There was Gina who took time off her bad-ass super important job to bring me saltines, medicine, ginger ale, bananas, rice, and food for my kids. There was Tracy and Dave who picked-up my multiple food allergy daughter and fed her dinner that didn't kill her. Then there was Diana who took my shift on the gymnastics carpool and provided front door service for Katia. Either these are great friends, or they were trying to catch Model Flu and loose a quick six pounds.

2 comments:

  1. I was totally in it for the Quick 6. Selfish! Next time come down stairs and kiss me like you mean it so I can heave and shit out a six pound loss!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love you, Sharon, and I love your blog. I love it for many reasons. One big reason is that I love reading comments from Gina.

    ReplyDelete

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